Innocuous

Innocent in every possible way. Nothing that could even be considered intimidating. How many times has that one been said? Tall or, more accurately, loppy arms swing from front to back, helping the top-heavy oaf keep his balance. He sticks one hand in his pocket to keep his beltless pants from falling down, again. He appears lopsided, and he narrowly avoids tipping over with every step.

He doesn’t find himself attractive, and everyone giggles when he walks by, and people constantly talk about how everyone “loves” him. Some even go as far to say “They all have a fat boner for you.” This is eloquence. Eloquence only gets one so far, and that is always right before 3rd base for him. He gets “Let’s Just Be Friends”ed instantly. It’s like his calling card. It’s basically a home run in loser baseball.Most regard him as smart, but he’ll never be smart enough. Others regard him as cool, but he’ll never be cool enough. He always carries a smile, but no one could ever tell you why.

Mistakes. They’re made, and forgotten, but usually remembered. He’s made so many that he’s lost count. Most visibly, in his personal life. Some say he has jungle fever. Those people couldn’t be more wrong.

The recently founded White Girl Addiction Rehabilitation Center, founded for men like our protagonist, has been helping men “get over ‘em” for days, even weeks. Sadly, the women he chooses are exactly what he thought they were: nearly perfect, but mediocrity never attracts perfection. The flowing blond hair, biting wit, gorgeous girl will never be his. No idea why not.

Life constantly asks him why he does the things he does.

Start at Oakland International Airport. Get on the AirBART. Jump on the BART towards Richmond. Couple of stops left. Downtown Berkeley. Mind the gap. Take that first leap. The foot makes contact with the ground simultaneously with the knife penetrating the man on the train opposite the platform. Welcome to Berkeley.